Suck it up!

There will come a phase when you feel you are done being sad, crying your heart out and all the emo thing and suddenly there's a new fresh spirit pushing you towards happiness regardless whether it's your genuine feeling or not. We just need to suck it up, life is too short so be happy or else you'll regret the time you are wasting thinking about others' happiness when they don't even give a shit about your feeling nor do they respect your sincere effort.

At times when I feel bad in doing something I had to do half halfheartedly instead of willingly I do need to hear the 'harsh yet true' words like what I've heard today like 'Can you not be so weak?','Can you stop worrying about that person,that person doesn't even care about you so suck it up!','Sorry to say but you are such a cry baby,be strong woman!Nothing can be solved with that tears', and etc. Yes I know we can close our eyes so that we don't have to see the people we don't want to see but I can't just shut my heart to stop having the feeling I have. Its so not me, how I wish I can control my feeling and my emo-ness. Believe me I'm on the road towards progress,so for now I'm trying my best to suck it up! Funnily I have reached the phase where I don't feel like breaking down instead I feel like lets enjoy the final moments we have together. So yeah Cheda, you better suck it up!Every moment in my life reminds me to very special quotes that I learn from movies(hell yeah,I'm a movie buff!) or the series I'm addicted to(hell yeah,I'm a couch potato!A fat one indeed!) like this particular moment I like to quote Ellen Pompeo's ♥ role:

'There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn’t because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever' . -Meredith Grey,Grey's Anatomy-

Love will come through; it’s just waiting for you. I will love you even when I hate you.

War within me

For those who really know me, like really know me inside out not what a FB/Twitter friend would know; 1 fact that really defined me, is that my friends are the big family I never had. It’s true I don’t have the luxury of having extensive numbers of relatives, I don’t have grandparents nor cousins (just because they are children to your uncles and aunties doesn’t make you are related to them especially when we hardly meet or even know each others’ names) so friends are the cherished cousins I never had. We fight and reconcile thousands of times, laugh, cry together, bullied each other, take care and concern about each other, eat, sleep, go through the same experience and create magnificent memories together and thousands other great things. So when this thing occurred I feel like my family is tearing apart, July supposed to be an extravagant month for me with all the awesome plans but here I am sitting and watching without much I can do because I feel so hopeless since I still didn’t get the answer to my worries. If you offer your hand we’ll sure give 100% of effort to reach it but the thing is you prefer to keep all inside your head/heart and here we are playing the guessing game and sadly no one is there to tell us whether it’s a correct or a wrong guess. Ego have its boundaries in friendship, once you try to live it up to the highest peak you might lose all the love you fortunate to be blessed with in the first place.


It happened too sudden, with such disbelief I’m (we) still wondering why? And I’m (we) stuck with the same question for the past 11 days, still trying to figure out what has caused you to act such ways. Still trying to digest the fact that this is not a dream, but the question remains the same of why? No words, no explanation, no expression nor any replies left me wondering about it every seconds of my life. There’s not a moment I’m (we) not thinking about the reasons behind it, what are the issues that bother you this much, do I (us) ever mean anything to you, do you feel the same hurt, sadness and how I (we) feel about this estranged and awkward relationship. I’m extremely sad, terribly unimaginably hurt and horribly disappointed with this situation; where each step I (we) made in repairing this crack bond been reciprocated with such cold attitude and especially with the walking away and avoidance part. Yes, according to the horse's mouth itself, among us I may be the most emotional-est one but you girls know it’s because you girls are my family and how can I not be emo when the time where almost end of our joyful sheer bliss journey of being a student is tainted with this depressing incidence instead of joyful laughter and . Yes, at first I feel damn upset and hurt but with times I start to feel angry, mad and disappoint to the max with this kind of manner. Who give us the right to treat others rudely or badly just because we are in a bad mood? No one, our upbringing will tell us that. When most of time being alone now is spend for crying how can I (we) continue our life the next day with a huge smile on our face? It’s not possible, and I hate being unfair to other friends who didn’t do anything wrong towards me yet they sense something is wrong. But miserably until this second I don’t know what the problem is! Seriously pissed me off, try to reminisce again and again about what had happened that day but I can’t see anything is wrong since everything went smoothly as it always had for the past 5 years.


What hurts the most; we can’t share our feelings, lame stories, funny jokes, etc anymore on daily basis when before I do in on minute’s basis. How do people expect one to move on as if there’s nothing wrong now, we may be in each other’s way every single day but the longest distance on earth is when you stand in front of someone but they ignore you. Our blessed small click used to how short temper I can be when I’m irritate with something or annoy with someone and I realised long time ago that I’m not a patient person but I learn to be 1 now, that’s how much I care about you! Can’t you see all of these and stop this unfair treatment because how much can we endure this pain, compromising this exhaustion and questioning all past amazing memories. And now when I go to bed, half the time I'm not really sleeping. I'm usually lying there making up scenarios in my head as what actually had happened that lead us to this ill at ease phase and when I smile to others now it feels like more because I need to than I want to. I hate people making assumptions and these ignorant people start to believe their fake assumptions but then again how can I stop them since I’m totally clueless of what’s happening. Socrates said that why should we pay so much attention to what most people think and talk behind us, as the most sensible person will believe that things have been done exactly as they have but my argument is that it’s kind a funny how a general statement can be taken personally if guilt exists in the heart even when you know you are in the right side (but who determines what’s right and wrong? Here we go back to conscious).


They say grudges are a waste of perfect happiness and laugh when you can, apologize when you should and let go when you can't change but I’m refused to let go till the day I die since I want to know the truth. The real one, not the version you feel you need to tell us to make us shut up. If it’s an ugly truth, I’ve prepared myself since Demi Allah I don’t think and I know I didn’t do anything wrong and for God sake I rather die trying to work this out rather than always wondering why and why and why. Yes sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is ok, hold back the tears, and walk away but until when can I put a show like that? Until when should I lead a fake life like that? Until when should I walk around carrying such heavy burden in my shoulders and grief in my heart? Until 1 day I might be so comfortable doing it I forgot how to be a real person, I believe the simplest yet most generous thing you can do is gift everyone you meet a smile but now I feel it’s like the hardest thing to do as much as I love doing it.



How can one be so heartless and selfish, we have the choice and we make the decision so choose not to be that person and I promise myself that I won’t be that person who easily quit and say ‘I’m done being nice to you, we are done here’ because we don’t do that to our family member, we don’t give up on them regardless how bad is their conduct towards us, how badly they want to avoid us and how awful is the humiliation we face each time we belittled ourselves in front of them seeking for answers when we know we won’t be welcomed. Oral intervention (thanks to How I Met Your Mother) done, email and text done, what else can we do? Hang in there SIN, don't do something permanently stupid just because you are temporarily upset. You can make me cry as much as you want but I’m not moving, firm feet on the ground until the day I got the answers I’m (we) dying to hear. It’s not that easy to shove me away from this 5 wonderful years of friendship in 5 days. But until that day arrive, as a Muslim I can only seek Allah’s guidance and help and doa is the only weapon I have in giving me strength facing coming days.

"Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself." -Harriet Nelson-

23

GUILTY SIN. WITH LESS THAN 3 WEEKS I SHOULDN'T BE STUFFING MY FACE WITH ALL THIS SWEET AND INSANELY DELICIOUS CAKES!

"The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”- Lucille Ball -

On that note,thanks for all the lovely wishes on my 21st (3rd year in a row) birthday really2 appreciate it guys! ♥ p/s: For those who mistakenly wishes me as Shah Rukh Khan's wife its NOT Kareena Kapoor,Rani Mukherjee,etc lah remember its Kajol y'all ;)

“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln quotes“

Deja'vu date

Went for a date with IK 2 years in a row give me a bit of glimpse of deja'vu. Not quite sure whether its a good or a bad one,but 1 thing I'm sure this Friday almost a perfect one thanks to a slice of heaven from 'Just Heavenly'. Almost gave up hope and could'nt care less to celebrate but they never failed to make me smile nor to calm me especially in my emo days (which is quite a lot!), so more than my heart I need to take care of theirs.Took me 4 years to learn the art of how to go home beg-less for the weekend,feels incomplete but I control myself not to pack every single thing except for my new handbag *squeel with joy* Ok,1st dinner at home after 4 weeks of my final semester *fingers crossed* well spent in Melaka. Last day being a 21 years old (AGAIN! for the 2nd time) gotta plan what I'm gonna achieve *try* all the way next year.I bet this will be fun...figuring out itsekf will take ages!

To be honest, birthdays aren't my favourite days in a year. Like seriously! Surprises no matter how thoughtful and sweet they can be, they still give me the feeling of being a hostage where people jumping out from the dark, shouting and singing together with their smilling faces. Somehow that can be quite scary, especially when I'm completely unaware of any signs and I dress like cr*p as if I'm coming back from aerobic class, beaten up exhausted with sweat all over. Arghhh,depressing! Ah well,at least looking at the good side of it are the great memories created from it :)

Socrates & Crito

These 2 names have been lingering in our life,our lips, conquered our lunch conversation topic quite a while now. Being a final year student I never thought our life would be this 'serious', meaning no (no would be exaggerating, I would say cut down 70% from before) more hot stories, gossiping, etc but end up having sort of intelligently boring but interesting talks like this. I can never understand Jurisprudence, but that's the best part of it. The more you try to understand the more you will failed, the beauty of learning about these philosophers is mainly to combine or compare what are your thoughts, criticism, comparison with theirs'. Doesn't necessarily you have to agree with them all the time, most of the time I kinda disagree with them for obvious reason like they lived in the totally different era so the way they handle issues were quite LAME I must say but hey we were not in their shoes plus excuse me they are dead like hundred years ago and we still talk about them. Literally worshiping their ideologies ok, can we be that? NEVER! So yeah, in a way they are cool to be the first in their time to came out with such ideologies where no laymen at that time would even though of.


Its so funny to think about when during our lunch time we actually discuss about why would Socrates reject his bestfriend who is Crito's plan in escaping from the prison, why is that their conversation sounds so gay-ish (like seriously,you have to read the whole play.Damn interesting.) and add to our already pathetic life, we now spend our time on youtube no more to watch Korean online drama, Shah Rukh Khan's latest interview, Harimau Malaya latest football match,etc but in a way we were forced by Dr.M-Z to watch the videos about Socrates by a man named Stefbot. There are 6 parts of them, 6 excruciating parts!And all this while people thought I'm emo, hello this guy actually cried when he's telling his views about Socrates's stands ok.Over attached I would say.2 hours of each lecture might killed you at the end of the day if you refuse to listen carefully, because underneath each stories there are superb quotes by these philosophers and I'm glad the presentation just now ended with a satisfied approval and a happy face by Dr.M-Z who is really hard to pleased. I end my Jurisprudence's saga with my favourite quote so far;

'People must find a place in their heart to forgive those who do evil to them' - Socrates-



Socrates & Crito rocks man!

Rejab

The Holy Prophet (SAW) has said "Rejab is the month of Allah, Shaa’ban is my month and Ramadhan is the month of my followers. Whoever keeps one fast during Rajab becomes entitled to the great pleasure of Allah, the wrath of Allah remains at bay from him and a gate of hell is closed for him."

“Dan barang siapa berpuasa pada tanggal 27 Rejab/Isra Mi’raj akan mendapat pahala seperti 5 tahun berpuasa...jadi sama2lah kita berpuasa esok" Semoga niat ikhlas kita mendapat keberkatan-Nya :)

Please guide me to the right path now and forever , Amin:)

Adrenaline junkie

Since there are too many things on my plate right now I can’t chew all at once, hard to be online lately (I mean the real definition of online-ing using laptop/PC not your smart phones) therefore it explained why are some of the ‘to do’ things in the checklist been in the delay mode. It’s already week 4, each class I went reminds me to how much will I deeply miss these people after all of this ends, *ouch heartache*. Don’t want to talk about that now. Skip until it’s necessary for me to do so. In between the hectic-ness these are some of the drama-ful events occurred in my life:

1. 1. My 1^st RT from the man behind the biggest established automobile industry in our country, NAZA world @SMFAISAL10. *super thrilled* Superbike dreams! LAME!

2. 2. Bario trip. I’m touched but have to pass this time as 5 years ago I made a promise to my 3 partners in crime so I can’t ditch them at the very last minute. *Thanks for the offer though, the thoughts that count my friend*

3. 3.AXN BIG CHALLENGE, Along & I are selected out of thousands of applications, we are the lucky 200+ teams. 1 of my dream is to join ‘The Amazing Race Asia’. *sadly another commitment from my part, maybe next time!*

4. 4. Bungee jumping in October, InsyaAllah J

5. 5. BIGGEST PROPOSAL news ever in my life, so far. Super thrilled for you love but I’m sad that I’m losing you so fast :’)

6. 6. Marriage proposal in August, scary but at the same time it wakes you up from your long beautiful dream. About time to do something with your life, like seriously NOW!

7.

If people ask me to describe myself in 1 word I would totally pick ‘adrenaline junkie’ (ok, that’s already 2 words but still) apart from all the things I’ve said I am all this while this 1 is totally fit me to the T. Love doing extreme stuff or outdoor activities which we don’t normally do in daily life, especially nowadays we have to pay for it so when you got the opportunity to do it FREE OF CHARGE I would jump on it in any day.

It takes years and few brands of facial cream products to be fair but it only takes you 1 outing to get back the ‘super tanned’ look! Although I love outdoor activities but seriously hate sunburn! Who wants a duo colour skin especially on your face, like seriously all of us look like a Fiji/New Zealand tourist right now. Nevertheless it was the most awesome-ness law outing ever! Love the kids, had so much fun and feel good about bringing few fresh agenda in the MULS board 2010/2011. It won’t be that dissatisfying when we leave the board in less than 2 months knowing we have done our best in bringing our law society to another higher level up.

AXN BIG CHALLENGE

Water ball.



Bring more actions please;)

The Sound Of Music

You ain't a real musical fan until you watch this one, this movie is like the epitome of all musical and Broadway. I remember watching this when I was in primary school, since then there's no turning back for me. Once I fall in love with something it's ought to be forever, so when I got to know they are coming to KL I was like jumping excitedly until last week I was informed that the date is clashing with 1 of my law event.Sad.Frustrated. I could give 1001 reasons to opt out from the law outing but the guilt feeling being of of the high-comm didn't let me do so.


So I'm selling a pair of my tickets worth RM490 each for the price of RM400 and the price can still be negotiate for those who are really interested in going. So place your best bid now! Contact me at tanisha_shrek@yahoo.com

[ SOLD TO A LAWYER IN AGC]

Feels like singing and dancing, basically that's how my life is inside my mind ;)

Ayah.

Since the day I start to talk or maybe since the day I have my own mind I proudly keep bragging to all my friends that I have the best Ayah that a girl can possibly have. I talked highly about you the same way they about their mothers. Big part of it is because you are a great son and even better as son-in-law since Mama's late parents love you more than her (hahaha) ; not just that, the way you treat elderly around you like your parents' friends or family friends as if they are yours and I just awe with the effect you have on the people around you, you are just so lovable and respected by them. I can never be even half as good as you when it comes to being a good child. Being the eldest in the family for me you are a responsible brother, to all your 3 younger brothers and 5 younger brother in laws, you are adored nephew by all your aunties and uncles (I'm not making up stories just because you are my father but the fact that you are the 1st person they call everytime for anything even when they have children of their own),wonderful friend not just to your colleagues and neighbours but also to our friends, a respectful leader and you deserved every bit of it since you've dedicated more than half of your life in TM and now since Along has joined TM she feels the effect of respect and love the people in TM have for you. There are zillion other things I can say highly about you but the best part of you for me will always be that you treated ALL women with nothing but respect and I always think Mama is the luckiest woman in the world to have a great man like you as her partner for life. You have sacrificed a lot for us, you think less about yourself and always wanted to give us only the best in the world. Even if I work my whole life I would never be able to pay your every single ounce of TLC. That's why for life I'll always be your little girl and no man can ever replace you.Happy Father's Day Ayah, with ♥ from Adik :')

Don't want to imagine what's life would be without you because there's no life if it happens :)

Eclipse.

Wow lots have happened in these 3 days, have not been online since then feels like I know nothing. Just got to know Malaysia is going to experiencing eclipse today. No, I'm not going to talk about the Twillight's saga but the real eclipse as its happening less than 2 hours. With this bad sore throat, my nose is blocked for the past 3 days and high fever I can't sleep (Melaka is so damn hot, easy to fall sick here) therefore I'm going to wait for the moment. According to news the eclipse going to take place around 3.20am today, while waiting I found and read 1 article that I think I should share it here :)



"Umat Islam disunatkan untuk menunaikan solat sunat khusuf iaitu solat sunat gerhana bulan secara berjemaah bersama khutbah gerhana sempena gerhana bulan penuh yang dijangka berlaku esok (Khamis).

Ketua Pengarah Jabatan Kemajuan Islam Malaysia (Jakim), Othman Mustapha, berkata galakan mengerjakan ibadat itu berdasarkan satu hadis diriwayatkan Imam Muslim yang antara lain menegaskan supaya mendirikan solat dan berdoa apabila melihat gerhana.

“Jakim menyeru semua masjid dan surau mengambil kesempatan ini untuk meningkatkan keimanan dan ketakwaan kepada Allah dengan mengadakan solat sunat khusuf serta khutbah gerhana. “Ibadat sunat ini seharusnya ditunaikan dengan sebaik mungkin, apatah lagi fenomena gerhana ini jarang berlaku,” katanya melalui satu kenyataan, di sini, semalam. Cawangan Falak, Jakim menjangkakan fenomena gerhana itu akan bermula pada jam 1.25 pagi Khamis dan mencapai tahap kemuncak pada jam 4.12 pagi, sebelum berakhir pada jam 6.59 pagi.'

I never done this before, so I shall google on how to perform it later. Have a lovely eclipse people!

Acchooooooo! I miss Mama's chicken soup :(

Hurts - Stay

Fell in love with this UK duo from the first time I heard their songs from their debut album, got to know their music better when they came down to KL to perform in a club couple of months before. There is just something endearing about their 80s look and videos, especially the lyrics. 'Stay' made it to my playlist since then and never leave their place, ya the songs sounds a bit depressing but it captivates such beautiful moment and melody.

This song reminds me to a scene between Alicia and Will (The Good Wife) when she said to him; 'I get the romance, but show me the plan'. Hope they'll be together in the end, so many years apart but the love is still there and now when they are so close with each other comes thousands of obstacles try to bring them apart again.

Love watching love stories with sad ending...which are more realist then dancing around trees and end up being happily ever after. No, I'm not pessimist just being realist. Life taught us to be one.

Fat.Fatter.Fattest.Happiest.

The 'BEST' welcoming line ever as I enter my final semester (InsyaAllah) of my final year ,'Whoaa,can't believe I'm alive to see the day you finally become FAT!'. Thanks to FRIENDS (who I ♥ and respect), I'll be vavavoom AGAIN in 3 months!

p/s: Get numbers of the same line at eateries, classes, in the lift, going up the stairs, other places from different people who I never thought would dare call me 'gemuk' and names which brings the same meaning but sounds more polite than fat. Should see the shock across their face, CLASSIC! All these years they say I'm too skinny, I have 'nothing' and etc2 but now the same people call me names. Nice!



pp/s: Sum up this epic story with when new lecturer decided to call me Izzati. So much of starting new semester with new positive attitude,gone!


ppp/s: The reason behind I don't like people calling me other than my first name is because when I was way younger all the people I know with the name 'Izzati' tend to be a bit 'healthy' and 'chubby' therefore I don't use it. But now it come to haunt me back! Serve you right!

Accept me the way I look...NOW!Not how I was or what will I look in future (Vavavoom of course!) ;)

Lived.Loved.Lost

I used to walked tall. I used to be stronger. But after you walked away, you take me down inches with every steps farther.


You have loved the best way you could possibly know, you have loved and lost so walk tall girl with your head held high up-McSteamy to Callie, Grey's Anatomy-

Going to miss my favourite doctors until next season :(

June make it 9m.

June just kick started 2 days ago, but my diary is already full with events for the rest of July as well. Yesterday went out with dearest discussed about the 1st phase of 1 of the BIG day, today another date cum business meeting with my photographer cum my friend since I was 7y.o of how we want that day to be a memorable day and more coming. Tiring but at the same time exciting. A lot of joyful heartwarming (How wish I can spill ALL of them here but don't talk things which has not CERTAIN 100% yet. It's bad luck. Believe me, I know.) things going to take place in July but still I cant wait for the month to be end mainly for the fact hat I'm getting a year older 30 days from now. Yes I will be 18 (AGAIN!). And the date is no more a great day to be at as it used to be before.*sigh* 1 misjudgement leads to a life misery. But after July ends,Ramadhan (my favourite month of the entire year) will visit us again, Alhamdulillah. Can't wait!

~Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah’s decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee – Umar bin al Khattab (RA)

She'll be back 22nd June :D Yeayyy!