The L word!

Certain L word is ought to make our heart stopped beating, it ought in triggering the mini heart attack, or put the biggest-stupid smile ever on our face. But why the answer kind of stuck in our throat, because it's like loosing the most precious thing in our life when it's not. Its actually the most beautiful thing in this life. 1 of it I think. Why does it make us suddenly become the person we never were all of sudden we can't think or cant make any decision. As it is our first time we all want and pray it turn out perfectly, as it something to keep and remember for the rest of our life. Deep breathe just go for it. Just experince and hope its destined to be eternal.

We cant make someone to LOVE us, but we can be the person to be loved by someone. Its all depends to that someone to realize our worth.

me, still smiling :)

Kay Sera Sera...

When I was just a little girl(YOUNGER that is not SMALLER),

I ask my mother(NEVER) what would I be,
Will I be pretty (YES!) will I be rich ( YES!!),
And here what she said to me,
Kay Sera Sera,
Whatever will be will be,
The future not us to see,Kay Sera Sera.

p/s : Despite the horrible pitching and lyrics[sorry] I really adore this song during my growing up years. Why just in the past even now I can relate to this sweet and simple sort of lullaby.

Love it for the fact that its kinda asking ourselves of how sure are we about our future?Are we going to achieved what we have planned since we were like 12?Have we taken all the necessary steps in order to reach our ambitious wishes?Thousands of questions floating in our mind because we are actually damn scared of how our future will be shaped up. I am one of those millions of people who always wanted to turn back time so I could mend and repair some mistakes that I've done which I thought if I did it the other way around my life would be much more sweeter,happier and successful than now.

This song somehow popped and get me humming all day since I know that results are coming out. Its a normal thing for us [students] to get mini heart attack each time the little bird spread the news of that tomorrow is actually our exam's results coming out. Everyone kinda freaking out, gasping for air, and regret that we started study/revision pretty late last. But take my words,once we get our results and if once again GOD have some mercy on us this time we will sort of forget all this feeling and repeat the same old same habit for next semester. Because that's how we are! That's how a normal teenager[early adulthood I would say] and students would act. Not something that we can be proud of but it's how it meant to be.

Just pray and hope I will get THAT 1 sign shows me that it's high time for me to change for good. One thing that is consistently knocking our mind is what's in store for me after all this ended? Will I have job?Stability in financial? Will I eventually drive a Porsche Cayenne or a 7 series or even a super bike Hayabusa?[LOVE CARS & HUGE BIKES & SPEED]How about relationship,would there be my prince charming?Can I pay back all my parents' sacrifices? Its always successfully petrified me each and every single time. But what Imran told yesterday was such a treat, kinda calm me down a bit.

He asks us to believe him and in us that everything going to be OK! Whatever you are worrying about now, it's going to look silly in the future once you accomplished what you had plan. As long as we put all out possible efforts, put our everything and heart[literally] in the thing that we are working out on, its going to turn out just fine. All will be OK. We should have some resistant but just have faith in ourselves that it will be OK. Phewww, I want and am believing in his words. Jealous in others' success made me want to work harder, The Climb by Miley Cyrus does give me the inspiration of how I want my life to be.

Lee Strasberg Theatre and Film Institute is for sure 1 of my future plan, its in conjunction of my big fat dream of becoming a Film Director. So what if I'm not from the fraternity, I have so much passion and enthusiastic in reaching for my dream. Why cant I be the Lawyer cum Movie Director, I know I have what it takes even if I dont I will learn and get it right 1 day.Amin. All I need is love and prayers from all the people around me.

For now all my heart is pounding for is the 4th semester's results.

me,wishing all a MIRACLE for tomorrow :)

Sweetest smile hugest grin!

~Puzzles of 5 Damai 2005~

26th.May.09 : Kabhi kabhi,lalala(my sms tone that is) 1 new message just poured in my
inbox, "You are invited to join the craziness of reunion of 5Damai
2005 at Sunway Pyramid,6th June 09.Please be aware that we
are going to bowl until we drop."

Then and then in 1 breathe I named and listed all my 24 classmates[ex], 1 by 1 faces and antiques come flashing inside my tiny little head.Owh,we had so much fun back then.I always stand by my statement of how 2004 & 2005 made my life unexpectedly fun and miserable at the same time. Yet I love and cherish it forever. Those 2 years flew so fast that the impacts still have on me.

For the next 30 minutes : Same messages pouring in my inbox, basically we were forwarding the same content to all of us and kinda expressing our excitement in meeting each other after 4 years. Ok its the biggest lie ever!We do meet occasionally but for certain people I do havent saw their faces since the last day of our togetherness in 2005, at Gemy's BBQ to be precise after our exam was over. Yes, its after the ceremony where we burnt our add math books,hahaha.

For the whole week : One by one dropping their names and couldn't join the reunion. As it is a term break so its obvioulsy time for everyone to spend for a vacation or holiday or just sweet time for themselves only.We do deserved that dont we. We cant blame them.So I get the picture of the so called reunion and decided to rename it as a mini reunion.We can consider ourselves lucky even if 7 people turn up.I do have high hope for those 3 people who planned this gathering.

Last week when the guys a.k.a the reunion planner texted to inform about the form 5 reunion lots of feelings mixed and give me the attack of what to say-what to wear-how to act- syndrome. I know most them since the tender age because being a Shah Alamian my whole life[though were born in KL and spent early childhood there] we were practically living in a same neighborhood. But its not the same feeling if you'd grow up, older,much mature and wiser and all the old memories tend to come back and fill up every inch of space in your head. Believe me the bad ones always popped the earliest, literally you saw all the images of those time.Yikess! Some bad decisions had been taken, some worst words had been spoken, some wrong alliances had been built which clearly cannot be taken back.So it explains the butterflies inside my stomach. I'm desperately wants to feel good about myself [as I was this lack of confidence & self esteem girl when it comes to fashion or even being around fashion conscious people,always will be]

The B Day : Surprisingly[not so,just being a drama queen I always am] it turn up quite well.Great I must say. I have the best time ever, enjoyed cracking jokes and craps with my partner in crap(cva,my best buddy who sat beside me during schooling days) laughing with the guys over small things or the stupidity/clumsiness of us looking for a parking place as well as our car after it ends.Duhhh!Almost 2 bloody-sweaty hour we spend at the basement.Hahahaha.Its tiring but somehow this is 1 of the day that wont get vanished in my memory and get the special place inside my heart. We bowled and try our hands on archery(love new adventure,it does hurt though T_T), but must admit that if all 24 of us can make it it will be more sweeter and havoc!Although I doubt the havoc part as its only takes 2 Cs to do the job who is Cheda+Cva = CUN + CRAZY :P

Well, people who can put the biggest,sweetest,widest smile on my face do placed somewhere in my heart and that is what 5 Damaians mean to me. I wish and pray all of us a brighter future and successful life waiting ahead of us.Amin.

me,LOVE 5Damai always :)

Ka-ching! $$$$$$

OK,that supposed to turn out or to at least give the rough idea of me wanting+seeking(desperately!)more money to cover all my expenses; that is not splurging into more and more shopping need to be highlighted here!But more for me exploring the adventure side of me. Without cold hard cash(sufficiently enough!) I would never get my hands on those dirty&challenging activities(not as dirty as what you are thinking!); wall climbing at extreme park,paintball,archery and go-kart at Sunway are literally screaming my name since 2-3 years ago, trying new recipes for me to excelled my baking skills, getting my collectible items,etc. Get the idea? What I'm trying to indicates here is that I cant think any of what I love to do without involving money! Not single one. All of them needs money to back them up.

I feel stuck, seems like obstacles coming between me and my wishes although the distance was like between a step of a tiny little drain. Recession sucks big time man! I'm on the verge of accepting whatever coming my way, even if the kindergarten near my house wants to hired a babysitter for these 2 weeks but like the people around me says "You're crazy for thinking there is actually anyone wanted a part time worker for just about 2 weeks". While I'm stranded here broke(literally) I've been thinking the kind of part time job that listed in my wish-list[that's totally a different story all together though] T_T

This holiday is a meaningless one because every time I went out all I can do is stare but not touch. Its all in my mind.

With a lot of things happening at 1 breathe now days I cant afford to ask from Ayah every single time so when Pza planted the idea of job-hunting for next sem part time job Im so in it dude!Thinking of being an ice-cream girl at that shop in Melaka Mall, rm5 for an hour quite Although the first reaction from the parents would certainly be a 'NO' but I need to balance everything up and find the way to a more independence life towards the 21st year old life*hint*. I've already signed Ayah as my financial supporter for MU's game as well for the 'Merchant of Bollywood' at Istana Budaya on July so I'll live him alone for the moment..hehe*evil laugh*

Plus there is no big contest going on that offerring cash that I can join so 1 close door there but fingers are crossed hoping another will be open soon. So until next time, with or without money I will keep writing.

me, waiting for Genie to granted my wishes :)

Dust,dirt,death of the past!

It felt like in a blink of an eye that 5 years had gone,5 years had flew away,5 years of my life have been erased without I even realized it. The images I captured along the way still stored clearly in my head as it felt like it was few minutes ago I was 16. This came as a slap on my face after now officially Along have finished her miserable-yet will be-missed student life in University. When she moved to become an unofficial resident of Malacca I was 16 and yesterday when I literally crawling up to her 5th floor house while gasping for air to get all her 5 years' bits and pieces(most of them are junks!) the past seems to flashing slowly inside my head. Some are nice and some of them are not so pleasant memories. It appears all the monologues are still part of my script today...

"I would never enter a private University like Along, when she has the chance to enroll in IPTA then why the hell we should pay more to study?", thats what I said to Mama but it turns out wrong and yet they still love me.

"I'll try to control my short-temperness because never meant to hurt the people around me", I thought it was an east job but I was wrong as usual and still fighting this malady.Im sorry is all I can say,deep inside my heart.And yet they still tolerate and love me.

"I will get straight A's in my SPM like I did for UPSR & PMR, so that I can further my study in Law at a very well known IPTA or University abroad", confidently that's what I told Ayah when he was against the idea of flying overseas but it turns out wrong because I didnt work hard enough to earn the bright future and yet they still love me.

"I will never fall in love or commit to a relationship", that's what my heart screamed since I always think Im the biggest relationship phobic ever but still it turns out wrong because you cant control your heart to have a soft spot for the people who doesnt even know your existence and yet you still love them.

"I will never speak to her again,never ever will I forgive her", thats what I wrote in my diary when I was 17 but it turns out wrong because I grow older and maturer so I forgive and accept people the way they accept me and the love continues.

"I hate him,feel like killing him",been yearning the same thing since I was 7 but still I love my only annoyying brother.

I could go on and on about all the regrets buried inside myself but I would like to believe each and every wrong we did in the past turn out to be the biggest teacher or lesson for us in the present or future.

16.That is my favourite age in my life.It sounds stupid but I always wish/pray that God can take anything from me if HE could rewind back time and make me go through my life all over again starting 1st January 2004; the day I started my life as sweet 16[bittersweet is a better choice actually].Its a little bit of selfish I know but its time for me to be 1 after all this while. All those photo albums I go through last night reminds me to the awesome-rocking-mind blowing-bestest years of my life which is 2004-2005.Maybe the reunion bug bit me again,so till next time it bits me I 'll come up with the not so sweet life of the Ex-science streame's student who happened to be the head girl, its a unreveal miracle for those who knows me!SERIOUSLY!

me,getting older..who doesnt?:)