With you beside me, My heart sings a song, Without you, My music is gone.
If I have you with me, I have everything, If you're gone, There's not a thing here.
To have you with me, is to live a wonderful dream, When you're around, it feels like, I've found every joy, When you're gone, happiness doesn't satisfy me. It's my life that's asking...for you
When you're with me, I can find my way, When you're gone, there is no path.
When you're here, There is everything, Without you, who's left, If you're with me, every moment is bliss.
When you're with me, I feel even the breeze has the colour of love, When you're gone, life is without spirit, When I found you, I found life.
Why or why I keep thinking of certain 5 letters word? Is it because of the mega sales going on around the nation, or maybe it’s because of the Audi R8 & Porsche Cayenne I just saw on the road? Or is it because Europe, Mumbai and Old Trafford continue calling me from far? But I strongly feel it is because the Elles, Guess’, Sembonias, etc handbags I had my eyes on last week. Basically Im craving for more money these days.
Every now and then I keep myself busy thinking about how to get more money as a student? Although there are bundle of works to be done my mind just can seems to let it go. Is there something that I would do passionately without burdening me, got or not works like that? BTW, I don’t have any working experience, my dad won’t let me work for night shift, my parents will not know if I get the work because they totally against it, can I get RM5 per hour and the place have to be near my house at Taman Bunga Raya so that I don’t need to take cab or bus? Anyone who has vacancy, call me although I think the description above might lessen my chance getting an employer anytime soon!
Without even realizing it last week I felt the same excitement as the girls when they say PTPTN is about to deposit next payment,but after 5 minutes I literally can feel a slap on my face; " Cheda, you dont apply for PTPTN remember?". Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Well this I-need-more-cash sickness getting worst after recession, before, if Ayah deposit RM1k for the month I'll take time to zeroing it but now before the money can breathe in my account they disappeared already T_T
So many things going on with life now, and all of them needs money. Without radio at Malacca house I can’t seem to survive or be genuinely happy. I need my radio! It been months since last time I won something neither through T.V, magazines or radio contests. And life does suck big time because of that. Not winning something for months killing me softly inside, I never denied of how contestholic I am. People has problem because of love life or exam around the corner but I’m depressed of not winning anything. As I had plan nothing going to stop me enjoying my life as I became 21 so I need to work hard towards it. More adventures waiting for me out there!
p/s: So try live with what you have, instead of thinking about something you dont have better appreciate what you have infront of you right!Well that is want I always do but its no harm right trying to upgrade your lifestyle towards betterness.
me,like Pepsi keep ‘Ask for more’ and more MONEY! :)
When you thought yesterday was the best day just because you had the best laugh or simply because it was as smooth as you could imagine there will come days where you will happier. Small things like meeting or making new friends will change your mind, and suddenly feels that today is the best day so far and believe me we will keep changing our thought as days passed by because there are so many great people out there that are dying to know us.[positive attitude here]We(me especially)kept saying how we longing we could turn back time but the fact is no one can go back and make a brand new start but we have the chance to start from now and make a brand new ending.
When you thought yesterday was the day when you hated your brother (or others who close to you)so much that you decided that no matter what he does you would just don't care but there will come days where you feel how much you love him although we fight most of the time[accurately,99% of our life dedicated to fighting] 1 nightmare reminds how much you take loved ones for granted so start appreciate them even showing in tiny little ways. The distance people say will make the hearts grow fonder and I hope that is the case here because this excuse is my only hope.
When you thought yesterday was the last day you'd cry over silly things there will come days where proved you to be absolutely wrong. Yet time and again it remain the same, we cry for all reasons. Happy, sad, overwhelmed, love, stress, overjoyed, etc.[for me at least being super sensitive, hate it sometimes because it’s just not cool!]After long hours crying there always be someone beside me who kind enough to land me their shoulders or ' popok' me(",) I just cant imagine life without all these kind people around me. I remember the quote from my 1st day of Criminal Law II class; "When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means", and that exactly how I see things now. Sometimes it hit me hard about how lucky my life most of the time because thanks to all the love that I never short of. Never be that kind of person who openly express or show my feeling except to those who I grow up with. From the bottom of my heart really appreciate it and thank you so much. Learning how to give more and demand less.
When you thought yesterday was the last day you talked to someone and will never see their face neither will you forgive them there come the days when somehow you ignore the ego and feeling because you realized no one is perfect and mistakes are what we carry along our life. It’s the parcel of life and yet it’s not the parcel we wish to keep forever. Sometimes we tried so hard but the results is not what we yearning for but each time when we feel down because didn’t achieved what our heart wanting just sit tight and be happy that we experience new stuff and be happy because GOD has thought of something better to give you. We discover through the journey and hope at the end of the route everyone is happy and no anger or hatred towards each other because it is indeed the 1 values towards a HAPPY life dunia&akhirat.Amin
When you thought yesterday was the end of your life as you feel so disappointed with how things turn up there will come days where you just chew it up and live life on your own terms and finally feel good about it. It definitely sucks when your works upset those who have faith in you but as long as you know you gave your best effort nothing they say can bring you down. They just someone who you meet at each phase in our life so listen to what they got to say and take advices which can boost your spirit towards life in a good way rather than feel bad about ourselves and dragged in for months or even years and finally when you realized you have wasted most of your time it may be too late.
When you thought yesterday was the day where you have grown old enough to stop depending on your parents, you are wrong. Because no matter how old, successful, or independent you grow they will forever remain among the precious pieces of your heart. I miss Ayah and Mama and Home. There will come days where you feel weak without them, when we so used to see them everyday distance does make it harder.
This year will be the last time I said 'this by far the best birthday party ever' because each year its getting better,happier and meaningful. The surprise 21st Birthday Party last night had been craved inside my heart forever for many reasons, and I believe I've made right decision. May HE guide me along the way,amin.Every moment of my life I thank GOD for each bless because without family and friends I don't think I will have this smile on my face.I may not be the PDA (public display affection) type of person,but they all deserved my love simply by staying by my side for all this time and without showing it I know they feel and knew it deep down inside. Most important for keep loving me the way I am. Thank you so much to all of you[you know who you are]and LOVE from the bottom of my heart.
Does anyone really understand what is one’s feeling or thinking when they said they do? When someone admits they being a relationship phobic, what do they mean? Are they waiting for the right guy, perfect timing or for the simple fact that they don’t believe in the existence of relationship? I must confess that being 1 of those people doesn’t make me insecure of life or what, but looking at a ideal loving couple in front of me my whole life(my lovely parents) slowly planted inside of me the feeling of petrified involve in a failed relationship.
I was 5 when I thought Ayah (my dad) is the only guy deserved to be in my life; love him to death and I was 12 when I decided I don’t need a so called BF. Can anyone define that term for me? What is their role? Why are they so important if girls keep changing them like they change their clothes? I’m not being pessimistic but just throwing some thoughts coming from experiences from my teenage phase, still continue ok because the next phase is way too far.[living in denial]I was 17 when I know for a fact that marriage will not be 1 of my agenda in this life[somehow I used to or maybe still a big believer in an arranged marriage, blame in on Hindi movies], and I was about 20 when I finally realized that Shahrukh is not destined for me not in this lifetime at least. See, I can be an optimistic kind of person sometimes.
I was and am always be a planner, whether is about what I want to do, achieve or get before certain limit of time but I now believe that no matter how hard or smart you organize your life there always be different plans written by GOD for us and I would love to believe each and one of them are meant to teach us one or two lessons that might made us a better, wiser, stronger person. So, I guess there might be a slightest change of plan. Hope and pray God will be on my side this time like HE always does. Those who know me undoubtedly have the basic ideas of how my stand when it comes to private matters, I believe that there is no necessity for me in confirming or denying anything going on in my personal life. I have completely control over my faith and soul of how I want to live my life and with whom I want to share it, so I don’t feel the need in talking about something so close to my heart. Unless they deserved to share the happiness, so if they mind or affected with the action of me not screaming out loud from the roof top than they are not matter for me as those who matter won’t mind. Plus I kinda agree with the saying that a girl's diary before marriage shouldn't be that exciting, public or full as there will be not enough space for the after marriage's voyage which is where we got our due respect and dignity as a woman. It sounds serious but maybe there's hidden truth to it.
Maybe it’s about time to explore the other phase. Expectantly the phrase ‘there’s no harm in trying’ will apply in this situation. Every time I do something my parents will always be part of my mind and heart because without them I don’t think I be able to go through this beautiful journey and I always want to impress them in even small ways and at this stage I can’t afford to lose their trust so 1 wrong step might bring to just that. I was 16 when I consider 1 line in Jason Mraz’s song to be completely agreeable;‘When I fall in love, I’ll take my time’and that is what I think the right move. I was[can’t really remember when] always wanted someone like my dad, he has so much love for my mom that sometimes I envy her. Have To fight for his attention, haha. I proud of my father every time we girls like talking about our fathers and no one ever believe that mine was and still actually helping my mom with house chores, most of them I must say he does without even to be nagged. My friends always said that theirs are like other boys, won’t lift a finger to do any work around house. Not just because of that, I proud and love him for all reasons.
Certain L word is ought to make our heart stopped beating, it ought in triggering the mini heart attack, or put the biggest-stupid smile ever on our face. But why the answer kind of stuck in our throat, because it's like loosing the most precious thing in our life when it's not. Its actually the most beautiful thing in this life. 1 of it I think. Why does it make us suddenly become the person we never were all of sudden we can't think or cant make any decision. As it is our first time we all want and pray it turn out perfectly, as it something to keep and remember for the rest of our life. Deep breathe just go for it. Just experince and hope its destined to be eternal.
We cant make someone to LOVE us, but we can be the person to be loved by someone. Its all depends to that someone to realize our worth.
When I was just a little girl(YOUNGER that is not SMALLER),
I ask my mother(NEVER) what would I be, Will I be pretty (YES!) will I be rich ( YES!!), And here what she said to me, Kay Sera Sera, Whatever will be will be, The future not us to see,Kay Sera Sera.
p/s : Despite the horrible pitching and lyrics[sorry] I really adore this song during my growing up years. Why just in the past even now I can relate to this sweet and simple sort of lullaby.
Love it for the fact that its kinda asking ourselves of how sure are we about our future?Are we going to achieved what we have planned since we were like 12?Have we taken all the necessary steps in order to reach our ambitious wishes?Thousands of questions floating in our mind because we are actually damn scared of how our future will be shaped up. I am one of those millions of people who always wanted to turn back time so I could mend and repair some mistakes that I've done which I thought if I did it the other way around my life would be much more sweeter,happier and successful than now.
This song somehow popped and get me humming all day since I know that results are coming out. Its a normal thing for us [students] to get mini heart attack each time the little bird spread the news of that tomorrow is actually our exam's results coming out. Everyone kinda freaking out, gasping for air, and regret that we started study/revision pretty late last. But take my words,once we get our results and if once again GOD have some mercy on us this time we will sort of forget all this feeling and repeat the same old same habit for next semester. Because that's how we are! That's how a normal teenager[early adulthood I would say] and students would act. Not something that we can be proud of but it's how it meant to be.
Just pray and hope I will get THAT 1 sign shows me that it's high time for me to change for good. One thing that is consistently knocking our mind is what's in store for me after all this ended? Will I have job?Stability in financial? Will I eventually drive a Porsche Cayenne or a 7 series or even a super bike Hayabusa?[LOVE CARS & HUGE BIKES & SPEED]How about relationship,would there be my prince charming?Can I pay back all my parents' sacrifices? Its always successfully petrified me each and every single time. But what Imran told yesterday was such a treat, kinda calm me down a bit.
He asks us to believe him and in us that everything going to be OK! Whatever you are worrying about now, it's going to look silly in the future once you accomplished what you had plan. As long as we put all out possible efforts, put our everything and heart[literally] in the thing that we are working out on, its going to turn out just fine. All will be OK. We should have some resistant but just have faith in ourselves that it will be OK. Phewww, I want and am believing in his words. Jealous in others' success made me want to work harder, The Climb by Miley Cyrus does give me the inspiration of how I want my life to be.
Lee Strasberg Theatre and Film Institute is for sure 1 of my future plan, its in conjunction of my big fat dream of becoming a Film Director. So what if I'm not from the fraternity, I have so much passion and enthusiastic in reaching for my dream. Why cant I be the Lawyer cum Movie Director, I know I have what it takes even if I dont I will learn and get it right 1 day.Amin. All I need is love and prayers from all the people around me.
For now all my heart is pounding for is the 4th semester's results.
26th.May.09 : Kabhi kabhi,lalala(my sms tone that is) 1 new message just poured in my inbox, "You are invited to join the craziness of reunion of 5Damai 2005 at Sunway Pyramid,6th June 09.Please be aware that we are going to bowl until we drop."
Then and then in 1 breathe I named and listed all my 24 classmates[ex], 1 by 1 faces and antiques come flashing inside my tiny little head.Owh,we had so much fun back then.I always stand by my statement of how 2004 & 2005 made my life unexpectedly fun and miserable at the same time. Yet I love and cherish it forever. Those 2 years flew so fast that the impacts still have on me.
For the next 30 minutes : Same messages pouring in my inbox, basically we were forwarding the same content to all of us and kinda expressing our excitement in meeting each other after 4 years. Ok its the biggest lie ever!We do meet occasionally but for certain people I do havent saw their faces since the last day of our togetherness in 2005, at Gemy's BBQ to be precise after our exam was over. Yes, its after the ceremony where we burnt our add math books,hahaha.
For the whole week : One by one dropping their names and couldn't join the reunion. As it is a term break so its obvioulsy time for everyone to spend for a vacation or holiday or just sweet time for themselves only.We do deserved that dont we. We cant blame them.So I get the picture of the so called reunion and decided to rename it as a mini reunion.We can consider ourselves lucky even if 7 people turn up.I do have high hope for those 3 people who planned this gathering.
Last week when the guys a.k.a the reunion planner texted to inform about the form 5 reunion lots of feelings mixed and give me the attack of what to say-what to wear-how to act- syndrome. I know most them since the tender age because being a Shah Alamian my whole life[though were born in KL and spent early childhood there] we were practically living in a same neighborhood. But its not the same feeling if you'd grow up, older,much mature and wiser and all the old memories tend to come back and fill up every inch of space in your head. Believe me the bad ones always popped the earliest, literally you saw all the images of those time.Yikess! Some bad decisions had been taken, some worst words had been spoken, some wrong alliances had been built which clearly cannot be taken back.So it explains the butterflies inside my stomach. I'm desperately wants to feel good about myself [as I was this lack of confidence & self esteem girl when it comes to fashion or even being around fashion conscious people,always will be]
The B Day : Surprisingly[not so,just being a drama queen I always am] it turn up quite well.Great I must say. I have the best time ever, enjoyed cracking jokes and craps with my partner in crap(cva,my best buddy who sat beside me during schooling days)laughing with the guys over small things or the stupidity/clumsiness of us looking for a parking place as well as our car after it ends.Duhhh!Almost 2 bloody-sweaty hour we spend at the basement.Hahahaha.Its tiring but somehow this is 1 of the day that wont get vanished in my memory and get the special place inside my heart. We bowled and try our hands on archery(love new adventure,it does hurt though T_T), but must admit that if all 24 of us can make it it will be more sweeter and havoc!Although I doubt the havoc part as its only takes 2 Cs to do the job who is Cheda+Cva = CUN + CRAZY :P
Well, people who can put the biggest,sweetest,widest smile on my face do placed somewhere in my heart and that is what 5 Damaians mean to me. I wish and pray all of us a brighter future and successful life waiting ahead of us.Amin.
OK,that supposed to turn out or to at least give the rough idea of me wanting+seeking(desperately!)more money to cover all my expenses; that is not splurging into more and more shopping need to be highlighted here!But more for me exploring the adventure side of me. Without cold hard cash(sufficiently enough!) I would never get my hands on those dirty&challenging activities(not as dirty as what you are thinking!); wall climbing at extreme park,paintball,archery and go-kart at Sunway are literally screaming my name since 2-3 years ago, trying new recipes for me to excelled my baking skills, getting my collectible items,etc. Get the idea? What I'm trying to indicates here is that I cant think any of what I love to do without involving money! Not single one. All of them needs money to back them up.
I feel stuck, seems like obstacles coming between me and my wishes although the distance was like between a step of a tiny little drain. Recession sucks big time man! I'm on the verge of accepting whatever coming my way, even if the kindergarten near my house wants to hired a babysitter for these 2 weeks but like the people around me says "You're crazy for thinking there is actually anyone wanted a part time worker for just about 2 weeks". While I'm stranded here broke(literally) I've been thinking the kind of part time job that listed in my wish-list[that's totally a different story all together though] T_T
This holiday is a meaningless one because every time I went out all I can do is stare but not touch. Its all in my mind.
With a lot of things happening at 1 breathe now days I cant afford to ask from Ayah every single time so when Pza planted the idea of job-hunting for next sem part time job Im so in it dude!Thinking of being an ice-cream girl at that shop in Melaka Mall, rm5 for an hour quite Although the first reaction from the parents would certainly be a 'NO' but I need to balance everything up and find the way to a more independence life towards the 21st year old life*hint*. I've already signed Ayah as my financial supporter for MU's game as well for the 'Merchant of Bollywood' at Istana Budaya on July so I'll live him alone for the moment..hehe*evil laugh*
Plus there is no big contest going on that offerring cash that I can join so 1 close door there but fingers are crossed hoping another will be open soon. So until next time, with or without money I will keep writing.
*Devoted & dependent person who love her parents & family to death*A learning muslimah *Frustrated ex-science stream head girl*Lawyer in training*Millionaire in the making*Movie buff,t.v addict &music devotee*Bollywood fanatic*Movie Director wannabe*
