The only reason.

How different can it possibly be?

My lack of interest in seeing you is not a strategy,

I’m not playing hard to get, I don’t want to see you,

Because I turned my life upside down for you, and you walked away

Just because I was cranky for a week, there were dramas for a week, they shown some intense curiosity for that week,

You are untrustworthy; I don’t want to see you,

You are self centered; I don’t want to see you,

I’m 100% certain and sure that if I let you back in my life you will hurt me again,

So I don’t want to see you, this is not a play, it’s just that I don’t want you in my life,

Which part is not clear enough? Get your crap of my life. Have a great life where ever you are, you stay there and be happy and I be here and be happy Fair enough isn’t it?

It’s a good thing that I’m mad like this, it means that I care. You were my bestfriend, I deserved to be this mad. You were my best mate, what’s the need to treat me like the other woman? You were my best buddy, indeed were how it should stay.

You bailed on me when things get hard, when things get difficult you walked away. Bottomline is you bailed. Maybe I never learn how to commit but I would never bail on you, never.

I guess I have enough good quality friend, I don't need you.

I'm ain't no enemy.

Silence brings many speculations.

Silence brings many talks behind you, either bad or a good one.

Silence drives you crazy especially when you want to know is everything alright or the opposite.

Silence kills your patient and most people after a while give up on silence and move on. Silence drags things deeper from what it appears on the outside.

Silence is the best option when you are furious, miserable, dishearten because it helps you from saying something you will further regret it in future. At least for me, it works.

Silence sucks big time when you are waiting for an answer.

Silence is your choice.

Silence is way better than getting hurt and starts all over again. Because honestly, if I ever have to do that, I already forget how to do it.

Silence tests whether you can endure pain.

But please don’t treat my silence as enemy, because I will never be one. I’m sorry. But replies give me hopes, and hopes make me lonely. That’s the last thing I need now, because I drowned to the deepest but I survived to the surface and see the sunlight again. Although it takes time, maybe for the rest of my life but this silence is with reasons.

Believe me I want to, but for the best I can't. You know me the best, you should know I'm not lying.

Sometimes silence is indeed golden.

Just ignore this silence and you will forget me in a second. I know you will.

Ma.

Happy 53rd birthday ma, pray that you will always happy having us by your side and healthy so that you can continue being the best cook in the whole wide world and loved by us for the rest of your life, Amin. Love you.

I think this is my first time away from home on my mom’s birthday. When I’m deprived of home’s TLC I’m a bit emotional for all the wrong reasons, even the tinny ones. Melaka has been great to me, my friends here are like my extended family for the past 4-5 years but nothing can beat the love and nags (sorry ma) you got from your own mother. My Mama and I have completely different mind and personalities, and that even the least to say. Not just the look (stop it people, I WASN’T adopted!) but we are like chalk and cheese in most of the things like she’s kind a soft spoken while I’m pretty loud but we both love to talk, she’s this typical great woman who does all the feminine stuff while I’m not but we both have eyes for handbags, she doesn’t like certain things that I do because they are a bit ‘inappropriate’ from a mother’s perspective for their daughters for example riding HUGE BIKES (she doesn’t understand I guess why I’m so into them) but I always counter attack her thoughts by getting my father’s support and he always have to give politically correct answers so that both of us doesn’t get hurt and many more but at the end of the day I love her with all my heart. The thing I missed the most about her when we are apart is that she knows what my likes and dislikes in life, in general without having to agree on them.

You know how most people say that, ‘My mom is like a friend, we can talk about anything under the sun’, well I would like to say my mom is my mom. She doesn’t have to be a friend for me to tell things, she is THE only one who has the privilege to be called Mama by me so why would I want another friend when I have enough of them. When I pray, regardless of how many sins I’ve committed and many more to come I never pray for my happiness, success or whatsoever but I always pray that for my mom(and dad, obviously! He’s my favourite person in this world, not even mom can beat that. hehe.) to be happy for the rest of their life, because they are only content when we kids doing fine in our life so if they are happy means everything is great in our life. Get it? It’s my way of being selfless in a selfish way *evil grin;)*

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

B word that makes me Happy

When Pang loves My Name Is Khan and told me how beautiful ‘I’ looked in the movie, when In-chan likes the movies I suggested esp. those which are totally different from the typical Bollywood’s style ( Wake Up Sid & Aisha) , when Saiful texted me to tell how awesome is 3 Idiots and what is my take on Anjaana Anjaani before he bought the DVD, when I (without fail) made Pza fall in love with the beautiful movies produced by Aamir Khan, when the girls start to go gaga with hindi movies and consider it as one of the choice when we go out to cinema, when we start to exchange DVDs and when many other people who have been affected by my Bollywood-ism begin to give compliment and sincerely enjoying them without being constrained by me; it gives me such a pleasure because it always a good thing to make others fascinated in what we love although at the beginning it was a totally alien subject to them.

Those who grow up with me may be used to my habit of spreading the magical world of Bollywood but to those who I just knew for the past 4-5 years especially my university’s friends they are still getting familiar and cope with it. With times Hindi movies are changing to a better storyline, issue, script (they are more lucid especially in storytelling) compare to the time where lame dancing around trees is a must. Now days you can find a lot of movies prefer to keep the tracks as their background scores rather than wasting 1 extra hour for the songs itself. Songs are what lay man tries to avoid while watching Hindi movies, but not me. I LOVE THEM! At the end of the day what is Bollywood without it songs? Duhhh. I may be bias and exaggerate on certain things but who doesn’t when it comes to the thing they love full heartedly since like forever so don’t blame me, watch them yourself.

This remind me of the last 3 movies I watched back in 2010 which I keep delaying in giving reviews because of certain reasons, all 3 of them are close to my heart as I can really relate to each movie for diverse reasons. Hoping for more great and awesome movies this year, hope all those which are hugely anticipated won’t let us down. Talking about movies made me excited waiting for this year Filmfare’s award (Oscar for Bollywood), fingers crossed for MNIK’s team.

We Are Family
12th September 2010

When Bollywood says that they just inspired by Hollywood movies, don't believe them because they just copied from scene to scene but when Karan Johar decided to join venture with Sony and make a remake of Step Mom; he produced a heart wrenching movie which has been Indianised in every way and the other. They try to make the movie their own without having to rely much on the original version, the songs are awesome thanks to my favourite Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy. You'll start crying just by listening to their slow arrangements.

What's best: Kajol powerhouse performance.
What's hot: Arjun!
Why should you watch: When two leading ladies take control its a wonderful journey from the word go.

Anjaana Anjaani
4th October 2010

This one's a love story, but it doesn't follow the beaten path. It doesn't follow the rules laid out by the romantics in Bollywood. And that's where its strength lies. Generally, couples in love commit to die for each other, but in this film, romance blossoms much, much after the two meet at the bridge for the first time, when they are about to commit suicide. From strangers to lovers to strangers again is how the film explores the relationship between this couple.It works for two major reasons. The first being the powerhouse performances by its lead pair. Having watched their careers from the very onset, I would like to state that the two actors deliver career-best performances in this movie and the second reason why itworks is due to the terrific moments in its second hour.

Final word? ANJAANA ANJAANI is worth a watch. If you are a romantic, or even if you are not, this movie is a must-see for its interpretation of modern-day romance. Recommended! Vishal-Shekhar's music has a lot of heart. Again, it won't be wrong to state that their compositions take the movie forward. I have often stated that Ranbir is the finest actor of his generation and the fact comes alive yet again as you watch him donning a new character in this one. Priyanka sinks into the role beautifully, so much so that she forgets herself and starts becoming Kiara.

On the whole, ANJAANA ANJAANI is an unpretentious romantic saga that revels in the exuberance of newly found love. The film has everything going for it: top notch performances by two super-stars, good music, a sensitive director with a good track record, a simple yet absorbing story and of course, terrific moments [emotional as well as humorous]. Don't miss this one!

Break Ke Baad

26th November 2010

A sweet, smart story that seems straight out of someone’s life. Break Ke Baad has an endearing everyday quality including twists and turns that reek of reality. Aliya Khan (Deepika Padukone) and Abhay Gulati (Imran Khan) have known each other all their lives and have been dating ever since they can remember. He is sorted, quiet, indulgent and patient, very patient. She is wild, willful, self-centered and selfish in a self-absorbed, I-me-myself way. He knows they will end up together. She is commitment phobic. But knowing all these he still just want to be with her the rest of his life[it sounds to good to be true isn't it?But still it is so damn sweet to get a soul mate like this]



The film works because you have no choice but to fall in love with these two people. You love Abhay for his tolerance, his understanding, his goodness and his instinctive wisdom about Aliya. You love Aliya because she is who she is. She knows not another way. Debutant director Danish Aslam seems to have lived these characters or at least known people like them. Break Ke Baad is not just about love, it is also about what it does to us. You can throw it out of the window but it will return tongue firmly in cheek,and if two people are meant to be together they will be. While you root for Abhay’s quiet affection and endless understanding, you also want Aliya to find her way. Even if she’s being mean, shallow and stupid along the way. As Abhay’s bua (played wonderfully by Lilette Dubey) in the film says, “Tum log sab kuch chahte ho, lekin dard nahi?” or some such. What she means basically is there is no shortcut to love. It’s a mean bitch that will take its due from you. “Be fearless,”.



It is an indeed an intelligent film with very few flaws. The supporting cast is fabulous esp Shahana Goswami shines as Nadia. Someone please rediscover this amazingly talented girl and give her more to do. As for the lead actors, they are perfectly cast. Deepika improving tremendously from her Om Shanti Om days and Imran, what should I say. He is just too lovable and you want this nice guy to get the girl. Possibly box her ears and tell her to behave but get her ultimately. Break Ke Baad is possibly the best love story I have seen last year, Dharma Production please take a bow for giving chance to a new director to tell their stories which are young and real.

p/s: Imran is getting married today, another loss for single ladies out here.

2011: Mega budget movies in pipeline.

Little reminder.

One of the best advices(sort of) I've heard lately is,'Berkata baik atau diam', which is indeed so true and that is what I'll try to succeed in this mission to become a better nonjudgmental person(each and everyone of us IS a judgemental so please don't act as if who are one is like having some sort of disease or something).

That wisdom line reminds me to another saying which is a Hadith that I got to learn in my Islamic Constitution class last semester. It goes like this; 'Part of the beauty of a person who is a Muslim is that they remain silent about that which does not concern them'.

People can say whatever they want, but once they managed to provoked us to reciprocate in a really bad and nasty ways it shows how fragile you are as an individual. To people out there who have sick mentality of actually thought and took yourself as the best, superior from the rest and don't give a damn of what others think and makes stupid comment to show off your capabilities in using big words, yes whoever you are we all welcome you with open arms and wide smiles because in a way you people are helping us improving our patient and building our positive attitudes from day to day.

It's a resolution which will take the rest of my life to be accomplished but better start now...than never.

Life is the road I want to keep going, LOVE is a river I want to keep going. IMY :)

2011: Another January.

What does my mother and the Indians have in common? Both believe in this saying; "If you start of your year with good things, through out the whole year it will be great for you!".


Today we went ziarah kubur of our descedendants, ate breakfast, lunch, tea-time and dinner together,that’s an achievement for us who barely spend quality time(eating each meals together)with each others if not for holidays, shopping handbags,cardi,etc (hooray and thank GOD for all the allowances I get from them,semoga makin dimurahkan rezeki mereka), went handphones hunting(upgrade iPhone 4 or BB?DREAM ON!), discussing about CNY vacation(sadly I’m having final exam on that date), eat,eat and eat somemore. Damn,I forgot to start this new year with the most important essence of healthy lifestyle which is.......exercising*yawn!* It’s ok, I believe I will take care of that soon...before the year ends.


I’m grateful to kick start my new year by spending the weekend with my family, the people who matters the most in my life. Hopefuly,we’ll be together through ups and downs and I’m pretty sure with more shoutings and punchings. Don’t get the wrong ideas, we are not an abusive family it’s just that that’s how me and my little brother(ironically he’s THE biggest among the 5 of us !) communicate. Somehow that’s how we show our love towards each others.Weird?Nahh, each family have their own ways in preserving the harmonious vibe at home. I will TRY to compromise a little bit more this year,to work harder, think wiser about future decisions because..I LOVE them.


Resolutions? I like to see and treat them more like the list of things to do that I write down every beginning of each week so that if I failed to accomplished I wont feel that bad. Firstly I seriously wish to widened my vocabs this year (it SUCKS with limited one!Esp when you are the worst in cursing people,JOKING.hehe),as MILE advised 2 new words a day is a good start plus its high time for me to continue improving my communication skills(LA rings a bell!). As an devoted diary writer for years before, for some reasons I have stopped doing so for the last 4 months so this brand new red diary from Ayah is not going to be wasted. THE most important thing that I never seems to achieved from year to year is to keep saving!RM2 per day?To many vacations planned, so leisure in terms of shopping has to take back seat this year(ya..ya..ya.LAME!)


In short a happier year in pursuit to be a better Muslim and person in whole.Amin.

Of course a vow of to be lifelong Red Devilian!GLORY MAN UTD.


A new 365 days :)

What a YEAR!

Its about 1 hour and 10 minutes to let go 2010. I would like to........

♥ Thanks to those who loved me unconditionally sincerely all this while, they made my heart bigger and my life happier.

♥Thanks to those who have supported me through ups and downs,thick and thin as well as just being by my side through good and bad days.

♥Thanks to those who hated me, they made me a stronger person by giving me chances to change the negative sides of myself and improving as a Muslim and person in whole.

♥Thanks to those who were worried about me, they let me know that they actually cared and all their TLCs will be cherished forever by me.

♥Thanks to those who left me, they made me realize that nothing lasts forever no matter how bad we hope and pray for it but at the end of the day HE has different plans for us.Better ones hopefully.

♥Thanks to those who entered my life, they made me who I am today. Welcoming more new people for a exciting new year.We can never have enough friends as they say :)

♥In short from the bottom of my heart I just want to THANK YOU to all of you for simply being there in my life at some points, some corners, some events regardless whatever I might have meant to you.Wishing all a HAPPY PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR 2011.May GOD bless all of us,Amin.

♥Turn over a complete new and greener leaf :)

111.

I have the habit of saying hamesha and forever for every single thing that I love and wish to keep it with me for the rest of my life until 3 days ago a good friend of mine says, "Never say forever. Forever is a very long time. Time has its way in changing things." Unfortunately the statement is true no matter how bad we wish it wasn't.

The last 10 days:(

Gamophobia.

Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime.

-Bette Davis-

Make things RIGHT.

At many times we tend to do mistakes in our life, one after another. At all times, it's whether we get hurt or we hurt another people we love. Mistakes change our life and the way we are, little by little. Often, we regret what we have done but seldom notice the changes. Eventually, those mistakes will strike again and we start to realize that we have not done with the past. It is then come the urge to make things right. That's when we have to revisit the past, recollect the pieces, fix the damages and make things right.

A new resolution which keep pending year after year is to lead a mistake-less life(of course it is impossible but looking at those which are avoidable) because I'm afraid there are people(our loved ones) out there experience unbearable hurt once we commit a mistake , when you have felt it you don't want others to suffer the same because it's killing you slowly.Emotionally.Tired of people who keeps regretting their mistakes but doing nothing about it(one of the finger pointing at me obviously). Tired also with those who replicating the same promise but no progress and yet repeat the same old mistakes and curse life, God, others for it. But not our own self.

Never say never and also it's never too late as people like to say so let's make things right.

New life mantra :)

Unanswerable questions.

Why are you always in hurry?

Why do you scared?

Why do you change the radio station?

Why do you change the topic?

Why do you stop doing this and that?

Why do you change your style?

Why do you still hold on that?

Why do you still keep that memories?

Why do you always excuse yourself?

Why do we have to convince you for most things now days?

Why are you still holding to something uncertain?

Why?Why?Why?

Do you know that not all questions can be answered with words? Sometimes it is better if only we have the answer rather than trying to make others understand something that God knows whether they will or not. At the end of the day I believe that a smile do hides everything.

I don't even know what will happen in the future. But I still believe that God is good and only good.

Will we or won't we?

Sick thoughts and bet of most people, sports viewers who confidently declared that INDONESIA will purposely lose to THAILAND in order to make sure MALAYSIA won't make it to semi final of the AFF Suzuki Cup but they proved all of us wrong when they won the game with 2-1.Thanks to 2 penalties accomplished by former Selangor player,Bambang. Yes, we do have political differences but sometimes when it come to sport we just have to put that aside and just play for the spirit of it.With seniors players in the squad I really hope we can bring back the cup this time, enough with becoming only semi finalist. Can only get the leisure of watching sports at home, put aside stress of studies,etc and enjoy the game.GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Bad habits Part II

I hate myself for being able to spend like no body business even when I'm like super broke. What that phrase mean was, I do have the cash but it should be use for other purposes. Which is far important than spending it carelessly like water. I wish to change that(again!) in this new year. I hate the fact that everyone around me already have their own income(MOST if not all),yet me still receiving allowances from my father and sister and for the record I don't know(actually I think I know,the whole world knows.In denial!) why they never...never enough for me although I plan each time on how and what I should spend them on. Seriously I do. I'm a planner you see. When I'm a state of miserably broke especially when its holiday I tend to hate myself even more, its killing me when TopGear (we subscribe the magazine monthly) arrived at our home because I know I am not destined to own those hot rides! It requires damn hard work to even buy the cheapest ride in that mag, which is like *cryblood* Again it is really killing me slowly to go to the most happening motor show, and looking at all those beautiful rides and that is all I can do...for now. Its fine with me to not have the luxury to buy the best dresses, stilettos, jeweleries,vagera2 but being me since like forever I can already picture myself in a Porsche or riding a Harley so more than the high end fashion couture I want them more than anything so for now that's my mission and passion.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Ok I feel better now.

I have fetish for cars and bikes:)

A brand NEW YEAR.

I do have high hopes in this brand new year, especially for a happier life, to be a better Muslim and person in general, improve my performance in academics, personal achievement in various fields that I have passion for, financial wise as well as life in whole. In short the hopes are dedicated to me,myself. Its all up to me to make it work so InsyaAllah with a focused mind, prayers and hardworking I'll be able to achieve 70% of them. Salam Awal Muharram to dear all Muslims around the world, on this meaningful day lets us start it with the right step.

Doa Awal Tahun dibaca 3 kali selepas maghrib pada malam satu Muharram. Sesiapa yang membaca doa ini, Syaitan berkata

“Telah amanlah anak Adam ini daripada godaan pada tahun ini kerana Allah telah mewakilkan

dua Malaikat memeliharanya daripada fitnah Syaitan”.

Berikut adalah Doa Awal Tahun

Maksudnya:

Allah SWT berselawat ke atas penghulu kami Muhammad SAW, ahli keluarga dan sahabat-sahabat baginda dan kesejahteraan ke atas mereka.

Wahai Tuhan, Engkaulah yang kekal abadi, yang qadim. yang awal dan ke atas kelebihanMu yang besar dan kemurahanMu yang melimpah dan ini adalah tahun baru yang telah muncul di hadapan kami. Kami memohon pemeliharaan dariMu di sepanjang tahun ini dari syaitan dan pembantu-pembantunya dan tentera-tenteranya dan juga pertolongan terhadap diri yang diperintahkan melakukan kejahatan dan usaha yang mendekatkanku kepadaMu Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Agung dan Maha Mulia.

Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha pengasih dari mereka yang mengasihi dan Allah berselawat ke atas penghulu kami Muhammad. Nabi yang ummi dan ke atas ahli keluarga dan sahabat-sahabatnya dan kesejahteraan ke atas mereka.

Amin to all wishes:)