Deep shit.

Once in a while if we finished our hearing early, Mr.K will take me for a quick bite before heading back to office. 1 day while having our brunch he asked me what book am I currently reading and I said he doesn’t want to know because I read chick flick novels and not those serious materials like other my age would read. Then he told me he’s reading ‘God’s Dilemma’, because he is in search what is and who the real God is. He said he keep looking for the answer of what is the purpose of him being born, why does God wants him to be on this earth, why is he doing and not that, why would people want to get married when at the end of the day we will end up die alone, and etc. Further he questioned, if God is fair and great why are some people are rich and some can’t even afford to have propel meal once a day? Why are there people born with disabilities? Why are people fighting and wars taking place all around the world? Why must people think their religion is better than the other? Why the society judge people according to who does the most deeds publicly? Why this and why that?

I can’t even freaking enjoy my capati that day. Somehow when he raised this issue, he pretty much reminds me to Dr.MZ (coincidently he knows Dr.MZ because he was a visiting lecturer for his class in UM few years back) lol.what a small world since now Miss Sik is his Master class lecturer for IP. Ok back to the story...

For a second there I thought we were having a clash of minds (debate would sounds so exaggerate since we were at a Mamak restaurant,haha) comparing all the religions and stuffs beyond our imagination and most of the time my answers or the way I reciprocated sounds like as if I know what am I doing in this world but the truth is I just want to balance the conversation by being the positive party here and I told him, ‘I ain’t no the perfect Muslim but I never stop learning, you tend to over thinking about things K(since he asked me to stop calling him Mr.K kononnya nampak tua since he’s just 29y.o), for me as long as I’m happy doing what am I doing, happy with the way I am surrounded by the people I love I won’t wasting time thinking about things which we can never find the perfect and certain answer because I’m that kind of person the more I think about these kind of things I will start to question my faith and I don’t like it’.

Then I asked him,’ Why do you go to temple, pray, and go to those talks about Hindu, etc but at the end of the day you still don’t have the peacefulness of mind that you should get?’ He replied, ‘Because I have to, we were told to do that since were kids so we grow up thinking that’s the right thing to do but I’m a deep shit because I still can’t find the answer what am I doing here. And before leaving I said,’ That’s the difference between us, yes I was taught by my parents to love and obey my religion and God but whatever I’m doing for Islam now is because I want to not because I have too and I believe that is why I am happy.’

In the car otw back, the whole journey he still talking about it but I trying hard not to take it seriously and again and again he reminds me ‘You better don’t start to over thinking like I do, because I don’t need another person to join me in this deep shit’. I was just laughing and said, ‘No, I won’t’.

Have some faith will you?